In my last post "The 'C' Word" I wrote about a boy who had done a series of acts that varied from dangerous to disturbed. I wrote about how my worst fears had been keeping me up at night, worrying that he could come into school with weapons and do serious harm to other children.
More specifically, my child.
As I waited outside the principal's office, which by the way doesn't get any less nerve-racking as an adult, I actually saw the boy I wrote about and his chaperone walking down the hallway together.
It bears mentioning that the chaperone looked like he could be a bouncer at a nightclub.
But when I say that they were walking down the hallway together that's not exactly accurate.
The boy glanced outward looking at the cubbies that lined the hallways. The chaperone stared straight ahead. Neither spoke to one another. It looked more as a prisoner walking with an armed guard than an adult assigned to keep an eye on a very troubled boy.
Anyone who read my post knows that I have real concerns about the safety of the other school children, since this boy has shown such aggressive, dangerous and disturbed behavior. That was what I had come to speak with the principal about.
But, as I sat there watching the two of them in the empty hallway my heart crumbled.
How lonely this boy must be.
How embarrassed and isolated he must feel.
The problems he has cannot be "disciplined" out of him. He is emotionally and mentally broken and probably does not have a stellar future ahead of him.
So, when I was called in to the office I believe sympathy had replaced my hysteria, and sadness had replaced my rage.
But my parental concern was still very much in tact.
We had a very candid and comforting discussion where my fears were validated, as in they also view him as a potential threat and are looking for the best way to address his issues moving forward.
It was not the "Well, what more can we do, he's being supervised." response I had feared.
My request was simple and specific. I wanted the boy escorted on to and off of the school grounds and accompanied at all times during school hours.
As he lives on the same street as the school I wanted him banned from the school property during non-school hours unless he has satisfactory adult supervision.
The principal said he did not feel my requests were unreasonable and said that they were actually the right things to do.
Whether or not they will be put into action has yet to be seen, but I left feeling a lot better.
Some of you suggested that this kid's parents are to blame for his actions, but I really don't agree. What I do think they may be guilty of is not fully understanding or accepting the depth of his issues. Although I can't say for sure.
I told the principal that if the parents are as concerned as they should be that they should have his computer files searched for any dangerous or potentially violent websites, journals, blogs, etc.
I gave him an article regarding studies that had been conducted following the Columbine Massacre and one thing that seemed to be a common thread amongst the children who committed those violent acts was that they documented their thoughts and plans.
Sometimes they even took videos of their weapons and discuss their destructive fantasies.
Lastly, I pointed out that the other thing all these killers had in common was that they also ended up killing themselves.
So, for now I have to take a "wait and see" approach, which for me is not so easy. I have a feeling this boy will not be back next year and will be sent to a program that can better deal with his issues.
As parents we do what we can to protect our kids all the while knowing there are always unforeseen dangers that we can never be prepared for.
I don't think that feeling ever goes away no matter how old our kids get.
Fortunately there's a lot more good out there than bad.
At least, for my own sanity, I choose to believe that.
Thanks again for your support, it means a lot to know that you're out there.
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I think you did the right thing, and I'm thrilled to know you got support from the principal and not the more typical resistance and denial. I hope summer comes quickly and without further incident and that, as you hope, he is off to other pastures next year. Poor guy - but he sounds way too scary.
Yes, my heart crumbled a bit at the image of him walking down the hallway with his 'supervisor'. After all, he is just a little boy. But, sometimes little boys are capable of terrible things, so I think you did the right thing.
Sympathy has an important place in this discussion. I feel for the boy -- but more, I feel for those who fear him. Early intervention is the key; I sincerely hope he gets the treatment he needs, for his sake and for his classmates' sakes.
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